we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
