alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
