We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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