So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
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