Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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