You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
