was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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