i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
