Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
