dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
