You smell like a Billy Joel song
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
