you didnt know i had herpes?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
