Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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