Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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