So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
We left an ass print on the piano.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
