Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
