She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
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