if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
