when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
