She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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