In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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