drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
