I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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