We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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