nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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