it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
