Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
