Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
