I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
