Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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