you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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