I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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