I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Sorry about my life...
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
