i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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