Capitaan dildo arrescate!
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
