Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
