and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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