Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
