he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
