I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
