Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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