Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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