You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
