if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
