It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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