You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
