I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
