Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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