Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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