where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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