went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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