you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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