One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
whose ass print is on the piano?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
