I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
