I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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